What to do if you don’t feel welcome or included at any Christian church?
SunPaladin asked:
I’ve tried attending many different Christian church denominations over the years, but have never been able to find one where I really felt welcome or included as a member or even as a visitor. It really seemed like some people were given a certain kind of treatment, but I was definitely not one of them, even though I’ve been told that I’m a really nice person
Ryan
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I’ve tried attending many different Christian church denominations over the years, but have never been able to find one where I really felt welcome or included as a member or even as a visitor. It really seemed like some people were given a certain kind of treatment, but I was definitely not one of them, even though I’ve been told that I’m a really nice person
Ryan
January 9th, 2012 at 10:07 am
Jeremiah
Leave and find a church you are welcomed to. My sister is just the same.. she can’t find a church that is ‘welcoming’ to her… you just kinda have to keep looking but remember God is not church, God is not a book, God is not a religion.. he is love.. so you can still have a relationship with him anyway.
January 10th, 2012 at 7:08 pm
Landon
bring more cash
January 10th, 2012 at 10:53 pm
Aidan
simple, don’t go
January 13th, 2012 at 3:00 am
Kevin
Get as close to Jesus as you can
January 14th, 2012 at 9:57 pm
Blake
I’m sorry to hear that. I’m a secular Humanist, but I have attended many places of worship (with a friend or family member, usually), and I have never been made to feel unwelcome in any of them. Certainly I have felt that I was not “one of the flock,” but no one went out of his way to make me feel unwelcome. Perhaps you just haven’t found what you’re looking for yet. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just don’t give up. Keep searching until you find a place that feels like home.
Try a Unitarian Universalist congregation.
Unitarian Universalism is a caring, open-minded religion that draws upon many religious traditions and encourages you to seek your own spiritual path.
January 17th, 2012 at 10:13 pm
Landon
don’t go stay home watch tv, or become a atheist.
January 21st, 2012 at 1:46 am
Justin
Perhaps it is not a Christian Denomination that you need. Perhaps it is the universe’s way of telling you to look elsewhere.
Then again, a church is not important. a relationship with your creator IS. Perhaps you should seek counsel there if the answers here leave you still looking.
Good Luck =)
January 22nd, 2012 at 1:24 pm
Christopher
What exactly does someone need to do to make you feel “welcomed”? Perhaps you’re being a bit too sensitive? Go to church to learn the word and praise God…don’t sit there judging others if they don’t speak to you or don’t behave in the way towards you that you think they should.
Speak to others first; look to how you can contribute to others first; reach out first. If you become this kind of person, you won’t be so judgmental.
January 23rd, 2012 at 12:16 am
Kylie
idk maybe that dont know you……
try talking to people and make friends
January 26th, 2012 at 12:07 am
Elijah
Are you going there ***** or something? If so, put on some clothes next time.
1) I don’t believe you.
2) I have been to a number of different churches of different denominations and they always made me feel welcome.
January 28th, 2012 at 2:23 am
Lily
Try not to make how you feel so important. As a christian, focus on how you can serve. This is how you will find the blessing of joy.
January 30th, 2012 at 11:46 am
Morgan
Don’t go to church. I know christians feel they must assemble but in my humble reasoning, if you are not welcomed, learn and grow, I don’t think Jesus would have you assemble. On the other hand, if you have a feeling of being on the outside wherever a group is assembled, it may be that you need to look into your inner being and define why you are outside.
January 31st, 2012 at 5:14 pm
Ethan
Pray and God will lead you to the right Church, just be patient and dont give up hope or your faith.
February 1st, 2012 at 3:36 am
Avery
Unless you’re speaking or teaching heresies, keep searching until you can find one where people actually behave like Christians
February 3rd, 2012 at 3:13 am
Riley
Get up and walk out. During the sermon is a good time and your point is better understood.
February 4th, 2012 at 3:21 am
Justin
Find an Evangelical church.
February 6th, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Adam
You need to find another church. If all the churches you visit do not welcome you, it may be you looking in the wrong area. You certainly would be welcome to come to my church. It is non denominational and welcomes everyone. In the deep south here there is a church on just about every street or every other street. They usually are friendly and most will be delighted to have you visit! May the Lord bless you and may you find a wonderful place to worship!
February 6th, 2012 at 6:58 pm
Caleb
This is a common problem of churches. You might find you need to extend your net a bit. Are you looking only at certain types of church, or are you considering all kinds?
If you are the discriminating sort, you might want to try for a church that is a fit for what sort of theology you need, and hope that the comfort level comes along in time. Church is many different things. Are you interested in a fundamentalist congregation, or a liberal group? Does community charitable work interest you? Do you want a mainstream church, or are you willing to look at some unconventional churches?
The Episcopal Church is fighting very hard to shake off its stodgy, frosty reputation. If you find such a church with younger members you might be very pleasantly surprised.
Unitarians and Friends (Quakers) are folks who have to work harder than usual to be taken seriously, so they are more likely to be smitten with newcomers.
Some other thoughts:
It takes time to get to know a church, so you need to stick with a parish for a couple of months at the low end. Therefore, it’s a good idea to figure out what your theology is like, what you really want in a church (aside from inclusion), and then go to a church that offers that, and wait for your comfort level to improve. If you start volunteering for tasks that need doing, you will be surprised at how quickly you get to be one of the old-timers.
Another thought would be to talk to your friends and acquaintances. Tell them you are looking for a church, and do they have any suggestions.
You also need to remember that churches, like all other aspects of humans, made by humans for humans, churches will never be perfect. You just won’t find the perfect church; however, if you give the place and the people in it time to work on you, you may find they are something you honestly don’t want to miss. Lots of folks have no delusions about their religious home, and yet they plan their weekend around attendance at church as the number one activity. They do this, not because they feel they have to, but because they really want to.
It can happen to you too.
February 9th, 2012 at 4:18 am
Makayla
Well your question leads to a number of questions:
1. How long are you going to these churches before saying you do not feel welcome?
2. How are you participating in the church?
3. What is your attitude and how are you presenting yourself and coming across to others? Do you have a chip on your shoulder?
Christians are just as human as you are and we all have our human faults. We are get comfortable in our routine and do not readily accept strangers or change. Some people need more time to become acquainted before accepting someone into their community.
Of course this is not Christ like but then Churches are full of sinners who fail at being Christ like all the time.
My wife and I looked at like 4 churches over several years so I can sympathize with you.
My recommendation is this:
Give it some time, 6 months to a year.
You should make efforts to not only attend the main service but “Sunday School” or as our Church calls it Adult Bible Fellowships before or after the service. Try to find one that is on the smaller side and covers a topic that interests you. If it is offered find a small group that meets during the week and again covers a topic that interests you.
Keep in mind the main service is not a time that is going to be concussive to meeting people and connecting. Before service people are thinking of getting a seat or talking to those they know. After service they are thinking of all the things they need to do.
Humans get so wrapped up in themselves its hard sometimes to notice others.
If after a period of time you still feel disconnected then try another church, you will find one: I know, we did.
February 10th, 2012 at 4:03 am
Grace
Find like-minded people as yourself that you can study the Bible with and worship with